Love, or something like that
In Love, Or Something Like It, our new Metro.co.uk series, we are on a quest for true love.
Covering everything from mating, dating and procreation to lust and loss, we’ll take a look at what love is and how to find it these days.
I was 36 when my longtime boyfriend threw me out of the blue and sailed into the sunset with a girl from work.
All of my friends were in their second or third babies and I, nose against the date wheel, slipping and drinking my way through the single men of London, but no closer to finding My Person.
So after two years, I decided to start writing about my experiences.
It was cathartic. Suddenly every good date was still a good date, and every bad date was a good story and that made disappointments and rejections easier to bear.
My stories aren’t even that dramatic: I never ended up taking pictures with a football team at 4 a.m. or having a date on the run (to my knowledge!).
Some of my dates have been exciting, like the guy from Tinder who picked me up outside my house in an Uber (smelling divine). We had beers while stuck in Friday night traffic and ended up having a whirlwind romance – until it all fell apart.
Some have been excruciatingly clumsy, like the guy with terrible teeth who kept his hand in front of his mouth all night and barely said a word.
Others were a little scary, like the intense, arrogant guy who leaned in too close and kept touching me, even when I asked him to back away.
If and when this happens, my blog’s secret will become impossible to keep. Right now, this situation seems so unlikely that I just don’t care and will continue to write.
I guess what people like is that I have very common experiences and write about them in an honest, ruthless way that makes them feel less alone.
My readers range from other single women, to men hoping to get tips, to happy couples who are happy not to have to go through this shit anymore. Others are married with children and remind me that relationships are difficult and that there are benefits to being single.
Writing about events weeks or months after they happened can be difficult: it’s good when it was just a boring drink that got nowhere, but rereading through WhatsApp chats or rekindling old feelings after an emerging relationship has broken down can be heartbreaking.
I prefer to stay anonymous so that my mom doesn’t end up reading about my sex life and so I can go out and write about it without worrying about the guys being put off. I’m changing the names and ID details so that they won’t be recognized and I think the chances of them stumbling across my blog at random are unlikely, but that worries me.
A friend found out after someone recommended it to him and recognized me in writing, so I guess that could happen with one of my dates as well. If so, I’ll have to take care of it.
I’ve also struggled with the idea of writing about guys and sharing screenshots of our conversations without their consent, and I know if some of these people found out, they’d have every right to ‘be upset.
Some might think that the fact that I’m going on regardless makes me a bad person, but honestly, I don’t know how to stop.
I see a lot of stories of failed relationships, disappointments, heartache and heartache – I’ve experienced a lot myself – but being able to voice my frustrations online has made the dating process easier. to manage.
It has also helped me to define more clearly what I am looking for. I was forced to have more dates and take chances with guys that I might not normally have – even though, oddly enough, none of them worked, so I tend to trust my instinct more and more.
I know exactly the kind of guy who would be the perfect match for me. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not waiting for some Disney romance and love at first sight.
In almost two years of blogging, I’ve chatted with countless guys, met dozens, got comments from hundreds of other singles, and saw a lot of my Twitter followers fall in love. and be heartbroken.
It taught me that love is about kindness and generosity of spirit. It’s about caring about someone so much that their happiness becomes crucial to yours.
I fear we have become more and more selfish and narcissistic as a society. Nowhere is this more evident than on dating apps, where so many people collect likes to boost their egos or expect the other person to make the effort.
Many of us who have been single for a long time have gotten into the habit of putting ourselves first and doing everything our own way – and yes, I’m guilty of that too.
But when I look at successful couples, it’s clear that they work because they put each other first. True love is about compromise, both partners give more than they take. I always hope I can meet someone to have this with – someone who wants to spend every day trying to make me happy, so that I can do the same for him.
If and when I do, my blog’s secret will become impossible to keep, but at the moment it feels so improbably distant to me that I just don’t care and will continue to write.
Presenting myself in such an honest and shameless manner means that everyone thinks they have a right to influence my choices or offer “useful” advice on where they think I’m wrong.
The vast majority are positive, but sometimes something makes me think, “Maybe they’re right? What if I’m broken? ‘
I just have to pull myself together and continue. I have to keep the faith that he’s out there somewhere and we’ll meet again when the time is right. I just wish he would hurry, because I’m tired of being alone.
Read Lucy’s blog on lucygoesdating.com
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