Witty Sarcastic Answers to Questions About Your Love Life

Thanks to overworked marketers and advertisers around the world, we’ve managed to turn Valentine’s Day into an entire month of hearts, roses and candies. The pressure to get a date on V-Day is even more relentless in the age of dating apps and social media. Unfortunately, not all of us are ready to jump down the road. And no, we haven’t gone completely crazy!

As Valentine’s Day approaches, new strategies to remind us of our celibacy are implemented. If it was only to meet decoration in malls, it would be different. Now it’s text messages from your service provider, ads on Spotify, and even pop-ups on your OTT platforms. Even our parents, who mostly crumble at the mention of dating, seem to ask us about our love lives. Where can we get some peace?

If I accurately described your mental state in February, here’s a guide to navigating those curious questions about your Valentine’s Day “plans.”

1. “Projects? I don’t even have PLA–”

Go the Phoebe Buffet way and just let them know you’re completely disinterested.

Credit: Giphy/Friends

2. “Why do I need Valentine’s Day plans if I have the best company?” Me, me and me.”

Narcissism usually silences people.

Credit: Giphy/TheMindyKalingProject

3. “If you need me, I’ll be in my pajamas watching shows with a glass of wine.”

When will self-love be deemed worthy of pursuit on V-Day because I need it. Not you ?

Credit: Giphy/YoungerTV

4. “Wow, how disappointing was that question?”

In the confusion, always look to Queen Rihanna for answers.

Credit: Giphy/ABCNetwork

5. “Was that question supposed to make me feel anything?”

As Lorde once said, question their very intentions.

Credit: Giphy/Billboard Music Awards

6. “What are YOUR plans for Valentine’s Day?” What is YOUR love life like right now? Who are you dating? Are you in love?”

Just freeze them with questions about their lives and watch them crumble.

Credit: Giphy/Saturday Night Live

7. “If you don’t like the way my love life looks, then stop looking at it!”

Either way, Jennifer Aniston’s response to a reporter will always be badass.

Credit: Giphy/Friends

Main image credit: Red Chillies Entertainment + Balaji Motion Pictures

About Jimmie P. Ricks

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