Dating Game: The New Dating Rulebook

By Anindita Paul

Here’s how to succeed game of seduction in 2019

It is a good time to be single in India. With some of the world’s most popular dating apps making their presence felt on Indian shores, with societal norms moving away from binary relationships towards fluid ones and cohabitation gaining in popularity, especially in Indian metros, there is no shortage of reasons why single people can (or should ) take their time to dive deep in the dating pool and explore their options in depth. And yet, despite advances in technology, dating is never easy. For many, the prospect of wearing their heart on their sleeve every time they explore a new prospect or “match” can be daunting, if not downright terrifying. Here’s how you can play the new age dating game to win.

To hit

As a society, we’ve finally gotten to the point where dating apps are no longer viewed as tools for the desperate, but rather as an engaging avenue to meet new people. But how do you move the conversation beyond your first awkward hello? Do: “Statistically speaking, women are 2.5 times more likely to receive a response than men if they initiate the conversation. For their male counterparts, engaging in an interesting conversation is all the more crucial. potential match, comment on something specific you like. Limit your comment to around 140 characters. Try to commit to a specific photo or question. Even something as innocuous as “Pizza is the best food that exists” can be a great conversation starter,” says Melissa Hobley, CMO of OkCupid. Don’t: Saying “hey” in a first message is almost like saying nothing. completely overlooked, Hobley adds. Dating guru and author of The Ideal Pickup Artist Varun Mannava says, “As men, we need to learn to stop obsessing over looks. Realize that pretty s women are used, to the point of being upset, to being complimented on their looks. Refraining from doing what she expects of you can actually give you an edge and make you memorable.

The waiting game

Just about every other dating guide or wax manual speaks volumes about the importance of playing “hard to get”. The downside of this strategy is that it can easily be mistaken for indifference or disinterest. On the other hand, “responding too quickly, whether on a dating app, a text message, or a request on social media, can make you look like an overly impatient beaver, which normally tends to backfire. “, says Hobley.

To do: “If I’m interested in the person, I’ll usually respond fairly quickly, usually within 24 hours. If I’m still weighing my options, it could take a bit longer – between a few hours and a few days. However, beyond three days, that means I’m definitely not interested in continuing the connection,” says Rashida Khilawala, 31, a life coach.

Not : If someone you’re interested in doesn’t respond affirmatively to your requests to start a conversation, don’t try your luck on other social platforms, Khilawala says. “Many dating apps are synced with your other social profiles, which also makes it pretty easy for someone to follow you. on other social media platforms in hopes of catching my attention. However, this seems more desperate than well-intentioned, and it’s definitely not a good approach,” she shares.

Become social

Now that you’ve got them talking, does that automatically mean you’re eligible to be best friends on social media, too? Not necessarily, says Saranya Rai, author of Love, Take Two. “Random requests or invitations can seem a little scary, especially if you don’t have any friends or other backgrounds in common,” she says.

To do: “Social media connections only work when you connect with the other person as an individual, when there’s chemistry and/or mutual interest,” Rai explains. “Introspect why you want to follow someone on social media,” Mannava suggests. “If it’s to get to know them better, just ask to meet again in person. Don’t use social media as a crutch to stay in peripheral vision of your date. If she agreed to meet you once, chances are she will agree to meet you again. Ask her in person if you can follow her on social media — this simple step can go a long way to making you more charming to her,” he says. Khilawala also suggests making at least part of your social profile public so that the person you’re interested in can find out a bit more about you, before deciding whether or not to add you. “A fiercely private profile tells me very little about who the person is and, therefore, whether or not I will fit in with them,” she says.

Not : While most people will reluctantly admit to having stalked their crush online, suddenly “liking” a months-old photo can set off the stalker’s alarm bells. Rai adds, “While it’s easy to laugh at the occasional incident, having someone go through your entire profile and like every photo you’ve posted can feel strange and intimidating.”

sexy business

Waiting three dates may have been the norm in the past, but today couples are taking much longer (eight dates, according to a 2017 Groupon study) before they hit the sheets. “Dating in your 30s is slightly different when it comes to sex – you’re relatively more financially independent and also more secure and able to view sex from a more mature perspective,” says Khilawala.

To do: “Sex on your second or even first date doesn’t have to mean a one-night stand. In fact, today, whether or not you have sex with someone you’re attracted to is largely down to logistics – whether or not you have the place and time for it. Couples in their thirties are much more spontaneous in having sex once they are able to feel comfortable and trust each other,” says Khilawala.

Not : “If the end goal of dating for you is casual sex, it’s best to be upfront about it for the benefit of both partners. Don’t chain someone with the promise of a long-term relationship if you’re not as emotionally invested. At the same time, don’t use sex to keep someone hooked on you – eventually they’ll find other avenues and walk away,” says Akshay Dalvi, 28, a digital marketer.

planning date night

Cafes are cute and bars are nostalgic, but should they be your go-to options when planning dates?

To do: “There’s only so much you can express about yourself over a cup of coffee or a drink. When planning first dates, focus on your partner’s interests instead. Spend a day doing something they love – volunteering at a charity they’re interested in or playing with their pets are instant wins – to demonstrate that you care about him/her,” Mannava says.

Not : Nothing screams self-centeredness quite like asking your date for an activity that is completely at odds with their values ​​or way of life. “Theoretically, your sober date could still agree to visit a bar with you. Ask yourself, though, if that’s the kind of person you want to be,” Mannava adds.

go the distance

Now that you’ve found your “happy place” with your partner and want to take the relationship to the next level, how are you going to take the next step? “Proposing a long-term or even exclusive arrangement to your partner always involves some anxiety, as you never know if they are on the same page. This can be tricky as rejection at this stage can be heartbreaking,” says Rai.

To do: Dalvi suggests sharing some essential life experiences with your partner before you both can decide if your relationship is lasting or not. “A lot of what we present to our dates is us at our best behavior. I strongly recommend that partners travel together at least a few times, play a sport and take up a new activity together. Even in long-distance relationships, you might be content with online board games. Seeing various aspects of your partner’s personality, such as their ability to handle success and failure, as well as their adaptability and competitiveness, can help you make a more unbiased decision. Rai adds, “Overall, a relationship that lasts beyond six months is more than a fling and can certainly be viewed from a long-term perspective.”

Not : People will take their time deciding whether or not they see long-term potential in their relationship, and that can often be for reasons that go beyond the person they’re dating, Khilawala says. “Don’t try to push a person into something they’re not emotionally ready for. Give them time if they need it and be ready to walk away if you can’t agree with your partner on engagement,” she says.

Today, whether or not you have sex with someone you’re attracted to is largely down to logistics – whether or not you have the place and time for it.

— Rashida Khilawala, life coach

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