I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the flippant flaw in modern dating. At the start of any relationship, we were conditioned to be cool, to hold back from admitting how much we love someone. Women in their thirties are not allowed to quickly ask a man if he wants children, although wasting time is extremely dangerous, because what if he “freaks out” and walks away? go ? When you’re younger, looking less interested than yourself is seen as a way to keep someone After interested. Let’s face it – it’s absolutely crazy, and yet it’s barely considered a problem.
The other issue I’ve noticed is that it allows people to play on the pitch. I saw it more recently at my friend Leila, who is currently seeing two guys – the one she works with knows the other, met on Bumble. But the Bumble man doesn’t know about the guy from work. The guy from work intermittently gets upset that she won’t make a choice; the app guy gets paranoid every once in a while there’s someone else on the scene, and Leila gets more and more stressed about him finding out, but also about to make a decision – because which one is the right one? Secretly, she believes that neither would be fine without the other because, different in every way, what if she needed both to feel satisfied with either? Of course, I told him to get out of both, if that was the case.
But the reason she gets away with it, she thinks, is because she and the app guy never agreed to exclusivity and the work guy won’t admit to how much he loves her. Technically, she’s doing nothing wrong, she says, and playing the casual dating card to her advantage. But she and Bumble see each other most weekends, constantly leave each other dripping voice notes, and are now on vacation together. Without agreeing to step out of the casual zone, it now looks like a game of Russian roulette.
Informal relationships are too fashionable – and I’m convinced they’re morally bankrupt. It’s true that app users may say they’re “looking for a relationship” rather than something “casual”, but all relationships are casual before they’re serious, so when should the gray area end ?
From personal experience, I know that saying you’re looking for something less committed is also a good way to keep one foot off fear. If you’ve never had a conversation about a relationship, no horrible breakup is required, you can just walk away, and for people who have been hurt, this is a nice “get out of jail free” card. In truth, I’ve probably played it too many times.
What I’ve realized more recently is that you’re not going anywhere if you start something with one foot out. There’s more risk, but also more to play up front and I think most of the time most of us are shrewd enough to know when things turn into something more real. We just have to admit it to ourselves and be confident enough to tell anyone we see it. If we think telling someone we love them and would rather be in a mutually committed relationship will get them to leave, then let’s face it – the person we’re dating probably isn’t worth going on with anyway. way. For starters, what about STDs?