Ask Amy for September 4: The love life is not for him | Life

Dear Amy: I’m a millennial guy nearing 40 with about 10 years of dating experience before COVID hit. I found the meetings to be very difficult: time-consuming, quite expensive, etc.

After talking to friends and seeing others struggle with dating and relationships, I found a lot of other people were on board.

The divorce rate is high, so I know many (if not most) marriages are struggling too.

Part of dating I never liked was finding someone perfectly nice who liked me, but whom I didn’t like back. I’m not a cold freak and I hate hurting other people’s feelings.

I managed to find a girlfriend, but she dumped me for another guy, then dumped him for another guy. I also don’t want kids or pets, so that’s not a priority.

Since COVID happened I haven’t dated anyone and found life a lot easier in a way.

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My question is, when should I just stop dating and embrace a monastic life? – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Time to stop dating? Now.

Time to embrace a monastic life? Never, unless living as a monk is really what you want.

It is natural for you to choose the path of least resistance, but I think you should also take this opportunity to do some soul-searching to determine what kind of life you want to lead.

As an exercise, write your own obituary. What would you like him to say?

Dear Amy: Many years ago my brother missed a week of school, struggled to catch up, and then committed suicide.

In a note, he explained that he got a zero on a test because it was up to him to make it up, and he didn’t get there in time because he was overwhelmed with remedial work. .

For the most part, I don’t think my parents are to blame here; they weren’t very strict on grades, although they insisted that we do our homework.

My niece is about to start kindergarten. I told my sister that if her daughter ever fell behind, it would be best to take her out of the regular class until she could be fully caught up (I don’t know how much that is). makes an option).

My sister thought it was weird. I then realized that she probably didn’t know what led to our tragedy, as she was in college when our brother died, while I was still living at home.

I haven’t told him yet. I’m afraid she’s blaming our parents, or even trying to track down the teacher who gave our brother the zero (I guess I could leave that part out).

Should I tell my sister now? Should I wait a few years or until I hear about a school problem? – Torn up

Dear Torn: You assume your brother committed suicide because he was overwhelmed with schoolwork.

I think you should focus on the outside and understand that there were probably many factors and maybe other triggering events that led to this tragedy.

And yes, I hope that you will choose to talk about it with your sister, and tell her everything you remember, not necessarily to influence her parenthood but because it is a primordial event in the life of your family, and that it is extremely important to talk about this.

When you have this conversation, you may learn that she has a totally different understanding of the event. She wasn’t living at home at the time, but she may have an insight that you miss, due to the age difference.

Suicide remains a taboo subject in our society, but for the families of survivors there are additional layers of guilt and anxiety, on top of their deep sadness.

It’s just overwhelming, and I feel like you’re still overwhelmed and somewhat trapped in the script of that trauma from long ago – because you’re extremely worried now for the emotional and mental health of your niece, all related to the pressure of schooling for a kindergarten.

Therapy would be a game changer for you. I hope you will accept this invitation to pursue it. Dear Amy: I have a weird problem, but maybe you can help me.

I really don’t like going to the dentist. I haven’t been there in a long time and I know I should make an appointment, but I can’t bring myself to.

Dear in need: Have someone else make an appointment for you and drive you there, if necessary. Promise yourself a reward afterwards.

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