With the new Year coming quickly, you can start thinking about where you are at in your life – and that includes your love life. It is also a period that can be very difficult, because for many of us, our years have not lived up to our expectations. We often convince ourselves that our whole life is going to change in a year, which is just not realistic. But if you’re feeling down, rather than just going in circles, it’s all the more important that you start the new year on the right foot. Of course, maybe your whole life won’t change in a year. But starting out in a positive way certainly helps prepare you for what’s to come and can help you get rid of any bad patterns you might be settling into.
First of all? Take it easy on your love life. “We can be better daters when we take the pressure off,” says Rachel Astarte, clinical hypnotherapist, author, and educator.. “Go on dates like you’re meeting new, interesting people. Forget about the goal of finding ‘The One’. Think of dating as a way to connect with like-minded people.” And remember that being single in itself can be very good. Once you’ve relaxed about your current love life, it’s time to get ready to start the new year the way you want.
Here’s what you need to do because it’s time to start messaging:
1. Press based on how you feel
One of the best parts of having some time to reflect is figuring out what you really want. “I think being single is something every person should do at some point in their adult life. It’s a time that gives us the distance and clarity we need to know who we really are. as a person and to firmly define what we want in a future partner,” psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. So be sure to take a look back, look at what you enjoyed or disliked, and what you expect from your love life in the future.
2. Streamline your methods
So many people have 87 different dating apps they swipe on and then only two they actually talk to people on. Time to break it down. Whether you enjoy meeting people online, through hobbies, or through friends, start focusing your dating efforts on what actually works for you. Or it’s just a lot of wasted energy.
3. Cut dead weight
If you have exes or f*ck boys still hanging around your head, New Years is a great time to cut that dead weight. “If you find that talking to your ex leaves you feeling conflicted, anxious and depressed after your breakup, that’s because you shouldn’t be talking to your ex,” New York-based April Masini says. . relationship specialist and author, says Bustle. Let them go.
4. Update your dating profiles
When was the last time you did it? If you love online dating, first make sure your photos work for you. “I’ve learned a lot over the past few years about what makes a great dating profile picture,” Saskia Nelson is a professional photographer and the founder of the dating photography business. hi saturday, says Buslte. “A good place to start is to look at your current photos and ask yourself if your dating photos are good. Help us tell your story? Stand out from the crowd?”
After that comes the time for words. I say, words. “Take the time to fill out a bio,” Jennifer Stith, vice president of communications and brand development at Bumble told Bustle. “A little humor always goes a long way.” So many people don’t have bios, but you’ll get more attention if you do.
5. Start messaging first
“I deal with men all the time who are frustrated that when they try hard they don’t come back, and I deal with women who don’t understand why the men they want don’t put in the effort to learn. to know them,” Gina Stewart, online dating coach and owner of Expert Online Dating says Bustle. “I think it has to do with a struggle with traditional gender roles and the perception of effort. Women feel like before online dating, men had to put in a lot more effort to meet and date. a woman… is happening on phones now, women feel like men don’t have to try very hard or take risks The first move is like a few finger swipes And I think that women like to think they’re worth the same, at a minimum.”
And you are worth it. But if you sit around waiting for a message, you’ll lose all sense of agency. and you will miss talking to people you choose. Just send a message. What’s the worst that can happen? There are many more options at your fingertips.
6. Pay attention
If your love life consists of one endless sweeping session but no real action, it’s time to start being more thoughtful. “It can be so easy to just look at pictures on your dating app and swipe right,” Antonia Hall, psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life , says Bustle. “You’re in a flow, and they’re so attractive. What could go wrong? But you’ll actually save time, frustration, and potentially disastrous messages/meets later if you took the time to read their profile from the start. Otherwise, you may miss critical information such as “In an open relationship”. Want to join us for some fun?’ or ‘Just got out of jail. Let’s do this!’ There are a lot of very attractive, but impossible to date people. »
7. Celebrate singleness
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, even if you want to be in a relationship, remember how amazing being single is. “You’re able to learn who you are as an individual and not as a couple,” Martinez told Bustle. “It’s an important differentiation. Who we are alone, as unique human beings, is often very different from who we become or who we allow ourselves to be in a relationship. This is the time to get a clear picture of yourself and promise yourself to never forget it or never give up on it, no matter who you’re with or not.” This can be a great time, so don’t take it is acquired.
When it comes to affirmation and New Year’s resolutions, why not focus on what will make you happiest. And if dating is your priority, it’s so important to do it on the right foot.
Want to have a great 2017? So check out the “You IRL” stream in the Bustle app for tips on how to have the most empowering year yet.
Pictures: Fotolia; Giphy (7)